I am a writer, right?

What makes someone a writer? When do your words really start to count? I call myself a writer, but even as the "creative writing teacher" I scratch out more of my drafts than I keep. I have to be forced to share my writing. I don't make time for my own writing because I'm not sure it is worth the time.

I see similar insecurities in my teaching. I think about pedagogy. I plan lessons while I run, in the grocery store, and on dates. But when an observer walks in my room...I question everything. When asked to tell about my ideas, I falter.

Today, as the Summer Institute Scholars met for the first time, I saw my insecurities mirrored in my classmates. We explain our writing in humble terms. We worry we are "wrong" about Everything. We feel like fakers when we are asked to speak as experts. Converstion often turns towards obstacles instead of ways we could change and grow.

When I begin writing with my students, I teach them my first rule of writing on day 1: If your brain tells you you have nothing to say, tell it to shut up. (They love to say shut up.) Eventually the rule sinks in. My students begin to think of themselves as writers. It is at that moment, that my students become writers. At that moment when they are confident enough to take a risk. To stretch themselves and risk failure. That's when they find originality. That's when they find their voices.

I continue to fight my insecurities, knowing that like my students, to improve, I have to see the writer and teacher within, and respect their capability. "I am a writer. I am a teacher of writing." I repeat this as my mantra, hoping that every day it becomes less of a lie.